The Five Love Languages of Teenagers PDF

The Five Love Languages pdf

Download The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages of Teenagers contains very practical guidance on how to express the teen’s primary love language, how to teach them appropriate responsibility, and how to properly handle both parental and teen anger.

The Five Love Languages of Teenagers PDF

It is a tangible resource for stemming the tide of violence, immorality, and despair engulfing many teens today.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments 9 Introduction 1 1 1 . Understanding Contemporary Teens 1 7 2. The Importance of Parental Love 31 3. Love Language #1 : Words ofAffirmation 45 4. Love Language #2: Physical Touch 61 5. Love Language #3: Quality Time 75 6. Love Language #4: Acts of Service 93 7. Love Language #5: Gifts 105 8. DiscoveringYour Teen’s Primary Love Language 119 9. Love and Anger: Help for Parents 135 10. Love and Anger: Help for OurTeens 147 1 1 . Love and Independence 161 12. Love and Responsibility 179 1 3 . Loving WhenYour Teen Fails 20 1 14. Love Languages in the Single Parent Family 217 15. Love Languages in the Blended Family 233 Epilogue 249 Appendices Appendix 1: HowTeenagers Got Their Name 253 Appendix 2: A Family Forum in Action 257

Acknowledgement – The Five Love Languages PDF

Through the years, people have asked, “When are you going to write a book on parenting teenagers?” My stock answer has been, “When I finish with my own.” Now that our youngest is thirty-one, I think I am far enough removed from the process that I can write objectively, both from my successes and my failures. Karolyn and I were not perfect parents. Our years with teenagers were not without trauma, but through it all we sought to love, and love has made all the difference. Today we enjoy relating to our former teens as mature, caring young adults. They bring us much joy and encouragement. I write this volume with confidence that if parents are successful in loving teenagers, they will be successful parents. Much of what you will read in this book, I learned from Shelley and Derek. Without my experience of walking with them through the teen years, I would not have been able to empathize with other parents or write with passion. Thus, I have dedicated this book to them. I take this occasion to publicly acknowledge my indebtedness to each of them for letting me “practice” on them. Because of what they taught me, I hope to do even better with my grandchildren.

I am also deeply grateful to Dr. Davis McGuirt, who rendered invaluable help as my research assistant on this project. His expertise in exploring both current and historical studies on parenting teens, and his exceptional organizational skills in digesting this material made my task much easier. “Thanks, Davis. I hope that all your research will help you and Mary Kay as you raise your own teenagers.” As always, I am deeply appreciative of those parents who have shared with me their successes and struggles in raising teens. Both in the counseling office and “on the road,” hundreds of parents have been my teachers. Your pain has made me more sensitive. Your success has given me encouragement. A special tribute is due Tricia Kube, my administrative assistant for the past sixteen years, who computerized this material and gave technical advice. She and her husband, R. A., have raised their own teenager, Joe, who is now a successful young adult, and who with his wife Angela have made Tricia and R. A. grandparents. “I can see it now, Tricia. In a few more years, you will be reading this manuscript again, as your granddaughter becomes a teenager.”

Introduction – The Five Love Languages PDF

I think it is safe to say that in no generation has the task of parenting teenagers been more perplexing than at the present time. The plethora of teenage violence is no longer limited to the fictional world of the movies but is a regular part of the evening news. Reports of teens killing teens, parents, and sometimes themselves have become commonplace. The fact that such behavior is no longer limited to the impoverished areas of our major cities but has come to permeate middle-class suburbia has raised deep concern in the hearts ofparents of all social classes. (The Five Love Languages PDF)

As I lead nationwide marriage seminars, many of the parents I meet are in a panic mode. This is especially true of parents who have discovered that their own teenager has a sexually transmitted disease, is pregnant, or has had an abortion. Some parents have discovered that their teenager is not only using drugs but is a drug pusher in the local high school. Others are distraught when they get a call from the local police department saying that their teenager has been arrested and charged with possession of a firearm. For those parents, their overriding question comes not from a philosophical, detached, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers intellectual interest in today’s social problems but rather flows from deep pools ofpersonal pain: “What did we do wrong?” “We tried to be good parents; we’ve given them everything they wanted. How could they do this to themselves and to us? We just don’t understand,” they say. Having been a marriage and family counselor for the past thirty years, I am deeply sympathetic with these parents. (The Five Love Languages PDF)

I also feel great empathy for the thousands of parents whose teenagers are not involved in the destructive behavior noted above, but who live with the reality that if it happened to those teenagers, it could also happen to their teenagers. There is no simple answer to the unrest in the soul of the con- temporary teenager. The reality is that today’s teenager lives in a world unknown to his predecessors. It’s a global world with satellite TV, the Internet, and much more. Modern technology is exposing our teens to the best and worst of all human cultures. No longer does the homogenous environment of the deep South or the expansive Northwest exist. The ethnic boundaries of the Midwestern teenager are paper boundaries. Pluralism—the acceptance of many ideas and philosophies, with none being superior to the others—has replaced common beliefs and patterns as the wave of the future. Pluralism will remain, and its waters are much more difficult to navigate than commonality. No wonder many teenagers have lost their direction. It is my observation that never before have parents of teenagers felt so helpless, but it is also my opinion that never before have the parents of teenagers been so important. (The Five Love Languages PDF)

More than ever, teenagers need parents. All research indicates that the most significant influ- ence on the life of the teenager comes from parents. It is only when parents become uninvolved that their role of guidance is replaced by the gang, the peer group, or the friend at school. I am deeply committed to the premise that the teenager’s best interest is served when parents assume their role as loving leaders in the home. This book focuses on what I believe to be the most foundational building block of parent-teen relationships—love. I believe that love is the most important word in the English language and the most misunderstood word. It is my hope that this book will remove some of the confusion and help parents focus effectively on how to meet their teenager’s emotional need for love. I believe that if the need is 12 Introduction met, it will profoundly affect the behavior of the teenager. (The Five Love Languages PDF)

At the root of much teenage misbehavior is a teen’s empty love tank. I am not suggesting that parents do not love their teenagers; I am suggesting that thousands of teenagers do not feel that love. For most parents, it is not a matter of sincerity but rather lack of information on how to communicate love effectively on an emotional level. A part of the problem is that many parents do not feel loved themselves. Their marriage relationship has been sabotaged, and emotional love does not flow freely between Mom and Dad. It was this need to effectively communicate emotional love in a marriage that motivated me to write my original book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment toYour Spouse. This book, which has now sold more than one million copies, has changed the emotional climate for hundreds of thousands of marriages. These couples have learned how to speak each other’s “primary love language” and have found that in so doing, they have become effective communicators of emotional love. As an author, this has been extremely gratifying for me, especially in hearing the stories of couples who were estranged from each other but have found renewed emotional love as they have read and applied the principles from The Five Love Languages . (The Five Love Languages PDF)

I’ve also been greatly gratified by the response to my later book, The Five Love Languages of Children, which I co-authored with Ross Campbell, a psychiatrist with thirty years’ experience with children and their parents. Both Dr. Campbell and I are greatly encouraged not only by the number of parents who have used this book to dis- cover the primary love language of their children but also the number of educators who have used this book as a basis for workshops for school teachers who can also learn to effectively fill the love tank of a child. It is many of these parents and teachers who have encour- aged me to write this present volume on the five love languages of teenagers. As one mother said, “Dr. Chapman, your book on the five love languages of children really helped us when our children were younger. But now, we have two teenagers and it’s just not the same. We’ve tried to do what we’ve always done, but teenagers are differ- ent. Please write a book to help us learn to love our teenagers more effectively This mother was right; teenagers are different, and loving teens effectively takes some new insights. (The Five Love Languages PDF)

Teens are going through a tremendous transition, and parents who will be effective in loving them must also make transitions in the manner in which they express their love. It is my hope that this book will do for the parents of teenagers what the first book did for thousands of marriages and the second book did for parents of children. If this happens, I will be fully repaid for the energy I have invested in this volume. I have written primarily to parents, but I believe grandparents and school teachers—indeed all adults who care about teenagers — will become more effective lovers by reading and practicing the principles found in this book. Teenagers need to feel the love not only of parents, but also the love of other significant adults in their lives. If you’re a grandparent, remember that teenagers desperately need the wisdom of older, more mature adults. Show them love, and they will listen to your words of wisdom. In this book you will enter the closed doors of my counseling office and meet scores of parents and teens who have allowed me to share their journey toward understanding and love. Of course, all names have been changed to protect the privacy of these individuals. (The Five Love Languages PDF)

As you read the candid dialogue of these parents and teens, I believe you will discover how the principles of the five love languages can really work in the lives of your teens and family. And now a preview7 of where we’re going. In chapter 1, parents will explore the world in which their teenager lives. We will look not only at the developmental changes that take place as your child becomes an adolescent but also at the contemporary world in which the teenager must experience these developmental changes. In chapter 2, we will learn the importance of love in the emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual development of the teenager. In chapters 3 through 7, we will look at the five languages that communicate love and appropriate ways to speak these love languages to teenagers. Chapter 8 will offer suggestions on how to discover your teen’s primary love language, the most effective way to fill their emotional love tank. Chapters 9 through 12 will explore key issues in your teenager’s life, including anger and independence. (The Five Love Languages PDF)

We will consider how love 14 Introduction interfaces with the teenager’s understanding and processing of anger; how love fosters independence; the relationship between freedom and responsibility; and how love sets boundaries, boundaries that are enforced with discipline and consequences. In chapter 13, we will explore what is often love’s most difficult task: loving when the teen fails. And the final two chapters will deal with the unique application of these love languages for single parents and parents with a blended family. I believe that if the teenager’s emotional need for love is met through the years of adolescence, he or she will navigate the waters of change and come out on the other side of the rapids as a healthy young adult. That’s the shared vision of most parents. I believe this is your vision. Now let’s plunge into the waters, entering the teen’s world and learning the challenge and opportunities to communicate love to our teens.

About the Author

GARY CHAPMAN, PhD, is the author of the #1 New York Times bestselling The 5 Love Languages. With over 30 years of counseling experience, he has the uncanny ability to hold a mirror up to human behavior, showing readers not just where they go wrong, but also how to grow and move forward. Dr. Chapman holds BA and MA degrees in anthropology from Wheaton College and Wake Forest University, respectively, MRE and PhD degrees from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, and has completed postgraduate work at the University of North Carolina and Duke University. For more information visit his website at www.5lovelanguages.com.

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