Download How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends
How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends – Now revised and updated for the digital era, the classic bestseller How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends has helped hundreds of thousands of people communicate with wit, confidence, and enthusiasm for more than a generation.
Small-talk expert Don Gabor has completely revised and updated this definitive guide, showing how to combine essential techniques in the art of conversation with necessary skills for communicating in the twenty-first century. By following the simple and dynamic guidelines in this easy-to-read book, you’ll be ready to strike up a great conversation anytime, anywhere—whether you’re at a cocktail party or chatting online. Learn how to keep the conversation going by asking the right questions, using body language effectively, and avoiding conversation pitfalls. Combining his tried-and-true methods with a whole new section on communicating online and through social networking, Don Gabor shows you how to:
· Identify your personal conversation style
· Engage in online conversations using proper etiquette and security
· Turn online conversations into face-to-face relationships
· Boost your personal and professional speaking skills to the next level
Packed with charts, hundreds of opening lines, real-life examples, FAQs, helpful hints, and solid professional advice, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends will help you connect with others at home, work, online, in person, and everywhere in between
Table of Contents
Review – How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends
I am a pastor who has a gift of gab and a number of friends, some of them close. My sister (who is the ultimate friendly person) and I were raised by parents who knew how to converse well, so we picked up these skills in a natural setting. We are both real schmoozers. My wife is also highly relational. So, unlike many self-help book reviewers, I am reviewing from a different perspective: I did not read this book for personal growth reasons (I do read books on other subjects to address my weak spots, however), but to try to help instruct others who struggle here.
For many years, I have dealt with folks who wanted to learn to converse and make friends. When one is brought up with those skills, it becomes difficult to enumerate exactly what it is we talkers do. When I read, “How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends,” I said to myself, “Yep. This is a lot of what we (and many other people strong in this area) do.” Gabor has organized and put into outline form the most basic principles of conversation and friendship initiation. And that is a whole lot more helpful than saying, “I don’t know. We just do it!”
Gabor also allows for differing personalities and relational styles. Although we may have to leave our comfort zone (in time, change becomes comfortable), we need to be who we are and converse with others based upon who they are.
Please understand that this book is limited in its scope. It can help people initiate friendships, but it does not direct one toward relational depth. This book can help folks make a number of casual friends but not necessarily close friends. For deeper communication, I suggest William Backus’ book, “Telling Each Other the Truth,” a volume that addresses matters like conflict resolution, honesty, etc. Gabor’s book is not really intended to guide you into relational depth. It does a great job for its intent: helping you chat better and initiate the early stages of friendship. For some folks, their instincts may kick in at that point. Others will need to study further.
The other limitation of this book (and there is no way to avoid it) is that the directives can be overwhelming because of their sheer volume. My advice is to choose a few areas to work on. Once those practices are incorporated and become second nature, then it is time to add a few more. In a sense, the book is arranged in order of importance, with the early chapters being the most crucial to master. I recommend starting at the beginning.
In addition to Gabor’s insights, I suggest hanging around and imitating those who seem to have it together in these departments. There is nothing quite like seeing conversation in action and then telling oneself to “go and do likewise.” It may seem awkward at first, but, in time, it can become second nature. Some folks (who have difficulty choosing the right words) might even consider practicing a conversation in an empty room, almost memorizing a script.
On quotable section reads, “Most shy people take the passive role when it comes to starting conversation. They wait and wait and wait, hoping someone will come along and start a conversation with them…”
He emphasizes that communication consists mostly of body language, then tone or voice, and, lastly, words.
Here is some simplistic but crucial advice, “Use plenty of eye contact, smile, and, above all, keep your arms uncrossed and your hands away from your face.”
The book consists of 15 chapters divided into 4 sections. The sections are: Starting Your Conversation with Confidence. Continuing Your Conversation with Wit and Charm, Ending Your Conversation with a Great Impression, and Boosting Your Conversation to the Next Level.
The last chapter lists his 50 main points, some of which include, “Be the first to say hello, Introduce yourself to others, Show others you are listening by restating their comments, and Beware of open and closed body language.”
This book is not rocket science (though filled with details), but it is a good place to start. Although I consider myself strong in the conversation department, I admit that I did pick up a pointer or two. Go for it.
Introduction – Turn On and Tune In
- Be Receptive – Body Language
- Starting Conversations Naturally
- Keeping the Conversation Going
- Getting Your Ideas Across
- Closing Conversations Naturally
Suggestions for Better Conversations
- Remembering Names
- Improving Your Conversations
- Overcoming Conversational Hang-ups
- Making Friends
50 Ways to Improve Your Conversations
About the Author
Introduction: Turn On and Tune In
THE NEXT TIME YOU WALK INTO A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, JUST listen to them talking! They’re all communicating through conversation. Conversation is our main way of expressing our ideas, opinions, goals, and feelings to those we come into contact with. It is also the primary means of beginning and establishing friendships and relationships. When the “channel of conversation” is open, we can connect and communicate with people around us. If the conversational channel is closed, then starting and sustaining a conversation can be a real problem. This book is based on my class, How to Start a Conversation and Make Friends, and it will show you how to “turn on” your conversational channel and “tune in” to people you meet. The conversational techniques in this book have been successfully tested in my classes and proven as methods of starting and sustaining conversations in nearly every situation – including social and business settings. The techniques are presented in an easy-to-master format so you can start improving your communication skills and self-confidence quickly. The techniques are demonstrated in real-life situations so you can practice and learn them within the context of your own lifestyle and at your own pace. How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends
This book can be helpful to a wide variety of people including singles managers couples students professionals parents sales representatives immigrants consultants freelance artists teachers business executives and many others. Who attends my classes? Although many of the students may be “shy,” most are people who want to improve their ability to communicate. How This Book Can Help You Many students who attend my classes are making career changes, and they want to learn how to move easily into a new social and work environment. Sales people want to know how to converse with clients in an informal (soft-sell) manner, while women executives want to feel confident communicating with their male associates on an equal and nonsexual basis. New residents of the United States want to learn conversational English. Business executives want to learn how not to talk shop while entertaining, and parents want to learn to communicate well with their children and other family members. How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends
The list seems endless. If you can converse in most situations without much problem, you can further your business and personal goals by improving your conversational skills. Even good conversationalists sometimes find themselves in situations where the conversation is just not going the way they want it to. This book provides techniques to help you better direct and control the conversation at such times. Learn to Enjoy Parties While Winning New Friends Perhaps the most common situation that causes problems for many is meeting new people and socializing at cocktail parties and social events. Many people feel uncomfortable in a room full of strangers and are anxious about approaching others. This book discusses not just meeting new people, but making new friends, and developing lasting and meaningful relationships. Most people want to share their experiences with others. We are constantly searching for others we can relate to on an intellectual, physical, and emotional level. This search can be frustrating and unfulfilling if you aren’t able to reach out and communicate. How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends
Once you master the basic fundamentals of good conversation and are willing to reach out, you’ll be open and available for new friendships and relationships. You Can Learn to Communicate and Use New Skills The ability to communicate in an informal and friendly manner is essential for every aspect of a person’s business, social, and personal life. Most people can converse with others when they feel confident and comfortable. The problem arises when comfort and confidence are replaced by anxiety and fear. This book will help you identify which communication skills you already have working for you and in which situations you already feel confident. Once you understand the skills that promote natural conversations, then begin using them in situations where you feel comfortable and confident. How To Start A Conversation And Make Friends
You will be able to see how effective you are, while simultaneously integrating these new techniques into your lifestyle. As you become more confident with your conversational skills in “safe” situations, take some extra risks, and begin to use your new communication skills in situations where you were previously uncomfortable and anxious. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that your skills will transfer from one situation to another without difficulty. As your control increases, so will your confidence. Your ability to maintain casual and sustained conversations will become part of your personality. Don’t think about the skills and techniques; just let them become a subconscious basis for communicating.
“The New Yorker” A gifted conversationalist.
About the Author
Don Gabor is a “small talk” expert, communications trainer and the author of seven self-help books and audio programs. He shows people how to network and use conversation skills to build relationships in business, social and personals situations. Don is a frequent media guest and the 2010-2011 president of the New York City chapter of the National Speakers Association. The New Yorker called Don “a gifted conversationalist.” Visit him at www.dongabor.com.