Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Boundaries When to Say Yes How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Boundaries is the book that’s helped over 2 million people learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of their lives.

Does your life feel like it’s out of control? Perhaps you feel like you have to say yes to everyone’s requests. Maybe you find yourself readily taking responsibility for others’ feelings and problems. Or perhaps you focus so much on being loving and unselfish that you’ve forgotten your own limits and limitations. Or maybe it’s all of the above.

In the New York Times bestseller, Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend help you learn when to say yes and know how to say no in order to take control of your life and set healthy, biblical boundaries with your spouse, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even yourself.

Now updated and expanded for the digital age, this book continues to help millions of people around the world answer these tough questions:

  • Can I set limits and still be a loving person?
  • What are legitimate boundaries?
  • How do I effectively manage my digital life so that it doesn’t control me?
  • What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?
  • How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?
  • Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?
  • How do boundaries relate to mutual submission within marriage?
  • Aren’t boundaries selfish?

You don’t have to let your life spiral out of control. Discover how boundaries make life better today!

Plus, check out Boundaries family collection of books dedicated to key areas of life – dating, marriage, raising kids, parenting teens, and leadership. Workbooks and Spanish editions are also available

Table of Contents

Book Review by Joe Martin

He makes some excellent points and this definitely influenced how I think about things. However, I disagree with him strongly in one point and I feel that he skirted one important issue. Near the end of the book he gives an example where a child refuses to go to school and the mother realizes she “can’t make the child go to school” but sets the boundary that the child will have to stay in his room if he doesn’t go to school. The problem with that logic is, if you can’t “make a child go to school” how can you “make a child stay in his room”? We can’t make a child enjoy school or even pay attention to the teachers, these things take incentives and consequences, but parents do still need to hold onto the reigns on certain issues. It is a delicate line, but I can and do “make” my children go to school.
The other issue is one of an abusive marriage. He talks about putting up boundaries and leaving for the night if these boundaries are violated. This is always done for a short period of time and then the abused spouse returns home. There are situations where this is effective. But in a true abusive situation (physical or mental) it is playing with fire to leave and return over and over. The physical abuser can be deadly. A mental abuser will learn how to better manipulate her victim without his realizing that his boundaries have been violated and thereby twisting reality even further. Any abusive person is not to be trifled with, and without genuine repentance and clear signs of change one is foolish to continue to expose themselves to that risk regardless of history, children, or feelings. For all of his insight, I am shocked that this is not made more clear.

Editorial Reviews

Review

I’ve been recommending Boundaries to friends, team members and radio listeners for more than twenty years. In fact, hardly a day goes by when I don’t use something that I learned from this book. The principles are timeless, and the updates in this version make Boundaries even more relevant to readers and their relationships. (Dave Ramsey, bestselling author and nationally syndicated radio show host)

Now updated and expanded, this classic book is more timely and relevant than ever for today’s “always on, always there” culture. If technology and social media are intruding on your life and relationships, learn from the boundaries experts how to protect yourself and the people you love. This life-changing book is still the go-to guide for healthy relationships, personal growth, and true freedom in Christ. (Andy Stanley, pastor, author, communicator, and Founder of North Point Ministries)

Of every book that I’ve read, Boundaries is the one I recommend most often. All of us can overcommit, become doormats, or find ourselves in codependent and dysfunctional relationships. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s one-of-a-kind book helps guide the reader through a change in mindset that eventually leads to a change in actions. If you know you have some unhealthy patterns in friendships, at work, in your schedule, with technology or your family, this book will help you establish the boundaries you need to create the life you are supposed to live. (Craig Groeschel, pastor of Life.Church and NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author)

Cloud and Townsend’s bestseller is even more relevant today than it was twenty years ago. Fresh stories, current examples, and an entire new chapter on “Boundaries and the Digital Age” mean this book continues to be one of the best resources available when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships. (Bill Hybels)

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend is truly an “in case of (relational) fire—remove hammer, break glass” kind of book. If you need the pain to stop and the healing to start, read this life-changing book and follow its instruction to freedom. (Dr. James MacDonald, senior pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel and author of VERTICAL CHURCH and ACT LIKE MEN. JamesMacDonald.org)

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend continue to break the boundaries of incredible revelation in their new and revised edition of Boundaries. As the senior pastor of a large church, this message has not only changed my life, but the lives of my staff and congregation. If you want to learn how to have healthier relationships, you need to read this book! (Robert Morris, Founding Senior Pastor, Gateway Church, Dallas/ Fort Worth, Texas; bestselling author of THE BLESSED LIFE , THE GOD I NEVER KNEW, TRULY FREE , and FREQUENCY)

About the Author

Dr. Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author. In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with both Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEOs, leadership teams, and executives to improve performance, leadership skills, and culture. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.

Originally published: 3 October 2017

AuthorsHenry CloudJohn Townsend

Genres: Self-help book, Christian literature

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